Kalachakra 2006
What is the kalachakra intiation? If you want a much more informed answer than what I can give, check out the website.
If you want my humble limited human perspective, kalachakra is an opportunity. It's a huge dharmic blessing, it's a political event on the social and diplomatic levels (the convergence of Indian/local and Tibetan/pigrim populations as well as the convergence of the forces of His Holiness Dalai Lama with local Indian government officials), it's a cooperative effort (out of necessity, really), it's a huge business venture for a lot of people, it's a party, it's a madhouse, it's a crucible and testing ground. And I had no idea what I was in for when I came here. I had an inkling, but really...
Today was day 2 of His Holiness' preliminary teachings on Nagarjuna's Fundamental Wisdom of the Middle Way, which has been great. His Holiness joked that he had put this basic teaching in the Kalachakra program in order to up the attendance to this very imporant teaching. But, he said, I can see that a lot of people are more clever than me, since a lot of people have decided to arrive only on the day of the Kalachakra empowerment. Haha, we less clever people, though, get to enjoy all the basic Buddhist teachings. I can never get enough of the basics. I feel I'm still only understanding them bit by bit.
But the teachings extend way beyond the actual hours we spend sitting on our cushions trying to get as much vibrational exposure to His Holiness as we can. I feel so blessed to have gotten a good seat (thanks to Nyima & Kyizom and some wonderful karma!) where I can see him pretty close and clearly. And today I saw him very well as he was coming from his car! Aside from the time we spend in that great preaching place, under beautiful tents, we get our lessons every day we're here.
The intensity of the spiritual purification that happens in the holy places here in India is one of the reasons I approach them with some wariness. Like, oh, this is good for me, but I KNOW this is going to be difficult.
And it has been. Every day has been a challenge for me. I have thought about elaborating on these challenges, but one of the issues I've been dealing with within myself involves the concepts and realities of suffering. I've also been struggling with my desire for comfort and my expression of these two things. Sounds abstract and very Buddhist, I know. But what I mean is that every time I feel that I'm suffering from all the challenging conditions here, I see someone else suffering as much or more, and I am shut up real quick.
Just for kicks, then, I'll quickly summarize in what ways it's been a madhouse specifically for Sylvia (for these spiritual places push very specific buttons in everyone here). Yesterday, I had an outburst of anger. My temper flared over a rather small situation in which YET ANOTHER PERSON HAD NOT FLUSHED THE DAMN TOILET because THE DAMN WATER HAS NOT BEEN SUPPLIED to our place yet and people are just too lazy to go get water from the pump to flush their shit (yeah, literally, shit!). I know myself much better now, and one thing's for sure -- I'm more of a clean freak than I thought. I have little tolerance for unhygienic things such as toilets, and even worse, I have little tolerance for things not working properly. To "normalize" this a bit, as they do in psychotherapy, this frustration has come about on top of frustration over not having had water, over hardcore camping in a totally overcrowded place with other people who are also going through purification that makes them neurotic to various degrees, over the hot weather and being sick from a throat infection from drinking bad water from a bottle and the dust and throngs of people and not having good food (most of the food's sketchy and not very nutritious -- I'm Californian and potatoes with a few onions DO NOT count as veggies!).... anyway, I guess you could say I had a little outburst over all these things, and I'd just had enough. Luckily, this passed after an hour or two of sleep.
So I hope that was entertaining at least. One of my daily lessons here is that it's a little pointless to express these kinds of things. I'm understanding more and better why Asians don't really express extreme emotions like anger. It's been a little difficult for me. I've basically been living among Tibetans since I got to India. I like it because it's a genuine living experience. I'm not really around tourists. But I find I'm really silent. No one to talk to in that American or western way. I've been learning a lot though. So when I lost my temper yesterday, the others in my room didn't know what to say. I realized how pointless and embarrassing it was to express my anger. What was anyone going to do? It reminded me of an incident in the makeshift cyber cafe the first week I was here in Amaravathi. A French woman had an outburst (and expression) about the internet connection or the computer settings and was yelling about it. This is not my day, she said. But was it anyone's day? We were all feeling pretty frustrated. It all depends on your tolerance level. Your tolerance levels are really tested here. Anyway, I'm not making judgements about what's healthier or better -- whether to express or not to express. I'm just trying to make observations. And for myself and other westerners (in this respect, I'm very western), it's a good lesson to try not to express or focus our suffering, because believe me, even the conditions that make us suffer are very obviously easier than those bourne by people around you. There's always someone suffering more than you here. Today, I got that answer really quickly as I was looking at my hand. I was just lamenting that the something about the water was drying my skin and that it was peeling from my hands when I looked up and saw an older Tibetan man with a blotchy skin condition.
I'm also observing the tourists and noticing how they're faring. Some are staying in tents, some are in these luxury AC tents on the edge of town. The Tibetan performers from Norbulingka whom I stay with perform for these people during dinner at a relatively swank restaurant (Chonor Restaurant). I had to wait for 20 MINUTES for my banana and curd, laments a British lady behind me while we're at the teaching. Wow, I think, she has no idea how much the staff of every restaurant and of every business here are working their asses off. I have a tendency to be really critical of privilege from my social justice standpoint. But I'll just hold off here because I'm more concerned with my own evolution than theirs. The point is that even with the most comforts that this place can offer (which are not many), we're still not much happier. I've struggling with the comfort seeking every day, thinking, when the water has run dry or the construction team has suddenly parked themselves right in front of our room to chip away at tiles ALL DAY, that there MUST be a place more peaceful, less noisy, less crowded and hot, than THIS. Funny enough, His Holiness addressed comfort and suffering at today's teaching. These two must be on the collective consciousness.
When I'm not dealing with the negative emotions that arise in me, I am enjoying walks late at night, when it's cooler and less crowded, and discovering new places that have popped up. There are also lots of fun distractions about. I saw a movie called Phu anu Thanu, basically a Tibetan-made romantic comedy about 2 brothers in exile in their quest for their dream girls. It was entertaining, and it was also really interesting for me to see the parallels between the experience of Tibetans who grew up in India and that of Asian Americans. It's the experience of exile, and it does the same thing, to a certain extent to everyone's psychologies, families, identities, gender roles. For the next 3 nights, there's an international concert of Tibetan bands. There are also nightly shows of various travelling acts at a larger venue.
That's enough of an update for now. I am totally elated today to have gotten a bus ticket to Bangalore (didn't think I'd get out of here, with the mass exodus happening right after the last day of teaching).
If you want my humble limited human perspective, kalachakra is an opportunity. It's a huge dharmic blessing, it's a political event on the social and diplomatic levels (the convergence of Indian/local and Tibetan/pigrim populations as well as the convergence of the forces of His Holiness Dalai Lama with local Indian government officials), it's a cooperative effort (out of necessity, really), it's a huge business venture for a lot of people, it's a party, it's a madhouse, it's a crucible and testing ground. And I had no idea what I was in for when I came here. I had an inkling, but really...
Today was day 2 of His Holiness' preliminary teachings on Nagarjuna's Fundamental Wisdom of the Middle Way, which has been great. His Holiness joked that he had put this basic teaching in the Kalachakra program in order to up the attendance to this very imporant teaching. But, he said, I can see that a lot of people are more clever than me, since a lot of people have decided to arrive only on the day of the Kalachakra empowerment. Haha, we less clever people, though, get to enjoy all the basic Buddhist teachings. I can never get enough of the basics. I feel I'm still only understanding them bit by bit.
But the teachings extend way beyond the actual hours we spend sitting on our cushions trying to get as much vibrational exposure to His Holiness as we can. I feel so blessed to have gotten a good seat (thanks to Nyima & Kyizom and some wonderful karma!) where I can see him pretty close and clearly. And today I saw him very well as he was coming from his car! Aside from the time we spend in that great preaching place, under beautiful tents, we get our lessons every day we're here.
The intensity of the spiritual purification that happens in the holy places here in India is one of the reasons I approach them with some wariness. Like, oh, this is good for me, but I KNOW this is going to be difficult.
And it has been. Every day has been a challenge for me. I have thought about elaborating on these challenges, but one of the issues I've been dealing with within myself involves the concepts and realities of suffering. I've also been struggling with my desire for comfort and my expression of these two things. Sounds abstract and very Buddhist, I know. But what I mean is that every time I feel that I'm suffering from all the challenging conditions here, I see someone else suffering as much or more, and I am shut up real quick.
Just for kicks, then, I'll quickly summarize in what ways it's been a madhouse specifically for Sylvia (for these spiritual places push very specific buttons in everyone here). Yesterday, I had an outburst of anger. My temper flared over a rather small situation in which YET ANOTHER PERSON HAD NOT FLUSHED THE DAMN TOILET because THE DAMN WATER HAS NOT BEEN SUPPLIED to our place yet and people are just too lazy to go get water from the pump to flush their shit (yeah, literally, shit!). I know myself much better now, and one thing's for sure -- I'm more of a clean freak than I thought. I have little tolerance for unhygienic things such as toilets, and even worse, I have little tolerance for things not working properly. To "normalize" this a bit, as they do in psychotherapy, this frustration has come about on top of frustration over not having had water, over hardcore camping in a totally overcrowded place with other people who are also going through purification that makes them neurotic to various degrees, over the hot weather and being sick from a throat infection from drinking bad water from a bottle and the dust and throngs of people and not having good food (most of the food's sketchy and not very nutritious -- I'm Californian and potatoes with a few onions DO NOT count as veggies!).... anyway, I guess you could say I had a little outburst over all these things, and I'd just had enough. Luckily, this passed after an hour or two of sleep.
So I hope that was entertaining at least. One of my daily lessons here is that it's a little pointless to express these kinds of things. I'm understanding more and better why Asians don't really express extreme emotions like anger. It's been a little difficult for me. I've basically been living among Tibetans since I got to India. I like it because it's a genuine living experience. I'm not really around tourists. But I find I'm really silent. No one to talk to in that American or western way. I've been learning a lot though. So when I lost my temper yesterday, the others in my room didn't know what to say. I realized how pointless and embarrassing it was to express my anger. What was anyone going to do? It reminded me of an incident in the makeshift cyber cafe the first week I was here in Amaravathi. A French woman had an outburst (and expression) about the internet connection or the computer settings and was yelling about it. This is not my day, she said. But was it anyone's day? We were all feeling pretty frustrated. It all depends on your tolerance level. Your tolerance levels are really tested here. Anyway, I'm not making judgements about what's healthier or better -- whether to express or not to express. I'm just trying to make observations. And for myself and other westerners (in this respect, I'm very western), it's a good lesson to try not to express or focus our suffering, because believe me, even the conditions that make us suffer are very obviously easier than those bourne by people around you. There's always someone suffering more than you here. Today, I got that answer really quickly as I was looking at my hand. I was just lamenting that the something about the water was drying my skin and that it was peeling from my hands when I looked up and saw an older Tibetan man with a blotchy skin condition.
I'm also observing the tourists and noticing how they're faring. Some are staying in tents, some are in these luxury AC tents on the edge of town. The Tibetan performers from Norbulingka whom I stay with perform for these people during dinner at a relatively swank restaurant (Chonor Restaurant). I had to wait for 20 MINUTES for my banana and curd, laments a British lady behind me while we're at the teaching. Wow, I think, she has no idea how much the staff of every restaurant and of every business here are working their asses off. I have a tendency to be really critical of privilege from my social justice standpoint. But I'll just hold off here because I'm more concerned with my own evolution than theirs. The point is that even with the most comforts that this place can offer (which are not many), we're still not much happier. I've struggling with the comfort seeking every day, thinking, when the water has run dry or the construction team has suddenly parked themselves right in front of our room to chip away at tiles ALL DAY, that there MUST be a place more peaceful, less noisy, less crowded and hot, than THIS. Funny enough, His Holiness addressed comfort and suffering at today's teaching. These two must be on the collective consciousness.
When I'm not dealing with the negative emotions that arise in me, I am enjoying walks late at night, when it's cooler and less crowded, and discovering new places that have popped up. There are also lots of fun distractions about. I saw a movie called Phu anu Thanu, basically a Tibetan-made romantic comedy about 2 brothers in exile in their quest for their dream girls. It was entertaining, and it was also really interesting for me to see the parallels between the experience of Tibetans who grew up in India and that of Asian Americans. It's the experience of exile, and it does the same thing, to a certain extent to everyone's psychologies, families, identities, gender roles. For the next 3 nights, there's an international concert of Tibetan bands. There are also nightly shows of various travelling acts at a larger venue.
That's enough of an update for now. I am totally elated today to have gotten a bus ticket to Bangalore (didn't think I'd get out of here, with the mass exodus happening right after the last day of teaching).
posted by sylviashines at 8:07 AM
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