What a Bodhissatva we have!

Reflecting back during the busride from Amaravathi to Bangalore, I can see more clearly just how extraordinary an event this Kalachakra was. I nearly burst into tears during the long life ceremony for His Holiness, as so many people were lining up to make offerings to his divinity, asking him to please let us keep him in the world longer for our benefit.

My spiritual teacher pointed that out to me a while back, that we pray for the long life of a saint not for His/Her benefit, but for ours. I had never thought about it that way, but it completely makes sense. And what benefit it has been, to have The Dalai Lama in this world. Now, there are a lot of saints around that we just don't recognize. Luckily there are so many here in India that are accessible. And they affect and make miraculous things happen on so many levels, from the personal to greater phenomena. High profile saints such as HHDL are interesting though, as they can do a lot on the political level. It's so amazing for me to see just what kind of influence HHDL has. We in the west know that influence on some level because we read his books and quote him. But to actually see the manifestations of his work, like those that popped up here at the Kalachakra is something else altogether. You will noe believe the political movement that has happened in Andhra Pradesh, the amazing opportunities on a social & cultural levels for the locals Andhra people and the Tibetans (from India, from Tibet, from the west) to learn from each other, mercenary opportunities, all in addition to the huge spiritual opportunities afforded by the grace of His Holiness.

Surrounding this Kalachakra event, for instance, there's been more and more interest in the Buddhism that has been latent in Amaravathi and surrounding areas like Guntur and Nagarjunakonda. Artifacts have been discovered and museums put up. There's been more recognition of the Buddhist heritage that's been here, and people have been embracing it with enthusiams. There's a huge Buddha statue that's being constructed in Amaravathi now. The government of AP hopes that there will continue to be pilgrimages and Buddhist activities there.

This event was quite extraordinary. So despite my bitching and crying about my relatively small problems, I do want to acknowledge just how special an event this is.

I learned from my sources that His Holiness got up at 2 am every morning during the kalachakra empowerment to prepare himself (there are rites that the lama has to do, which he does beforehand so as to spare us sitting there, and he then runs through the rites of the disciples at the teaching). Actually, it was dawning on me more and more that the kalachakra empowerment is some HIGH HIGH mystical stuff that we common folks (i.e., who have not been studying buddhism &/or mysticism) are terrible unqualified for). We're barely prepared for it, and a teacher could very well save the huge effort of making this empowerment possible only for the learned disciples who could get more than a little from it, but because His Holiness is a bodhissatva, he does everything he can to plant in us even the smallest seeds of this blessing. Even when we all (all the 80,000) come with such a variety of mixed motivations. I was so touched by such love and patience. I felt so honored and blessed to be there.

As the relief was starting to come from having a ticket out, I was also starting to see the smallness of my sufferings and the amazing strength of others. 5 people died during the event. And still hundreds more, who I could see were in worse shape and under worse circumstances than myself, were toughing it out: Old folks, little kids, handicapped people, people who had come much further, all the way from Tibet -- and had to go all the way back. Even up to the last moment, things were neurotic, but my eyes were seeing more and more clearly what a blessing it was to be there, and how the divinity in that holy places was showing through all of us.

Doing the Western Thang (in Bangalore)

For the past 2 days, since I got to Bangalore, I've been shopping, eating American food (pizza, coffee, ice-cream), and indulging in the western-ness that is so prevalent in Bangalore. it just aint right, man!

That's for the young sales guy who was pitching his jeans to me today at the san frisco jeans company. That's also for the California grapes and plums that you can get at Nilgiri's. That's for me being a little homesick and getting those grapes.

Bangalore is all about the A-list, which I'm not on, but being a tourist, can benefit from. It aint right. And it aint right in a different way than things aint right in other parts of India.

The past 2 days here in Bangalore have been a strange contrast to our trial by fire in Amaravati. A relief, yes, to be able to enjoy the luxuries of showers, a clean place to stay, as well as the cafes where you can just leisurely have a cuppa coffee in an AC room and read the book you just bought down the street and not be bugged by twenty people between point A and point B.

Ah, I won't indulge long nor take too seriously the materialistic luxuries offered to the wealthy of the city though. Immediate relief is all, especially since I suffered another bout of loose stools and upset stomach and vomiting from some sketchy road food (sometimes you have no choice!) and being at the back of the bus on our 12 hours journey here from Amaravathi.

Can I say, too, that I was so relieved to leave the Kalachakra? And I wasn't the only one. We were all sighing with relief on the bus. Out of that furnace. I can't say that I really got a chance to experience Amaravathi, because the village was so transformed by the Kalachakra.

Had some reflections about the kalachakra on the busride here, but they warrant a separate entry, so do see.

So enough of this commercial culture! I tried to get out to Vishwa Shanti Ashram, but as Rama Mata is in Vijawada right now (ack! We were just there!), I'll try to catch her after Kerala. Tonight, moving on to Bylakuppe & Mysore.

(most of the time) I Can't Take the Heat...

... which has gotten me thinking a lot about my choices.

For instance, I should have coughed up the $200 to stay in one of those "luxury tents" that were set up mainly for the foreigners (who are probably the only ones who can afford them). I was there last night, as my friends were performing nearby. I really liked how quiet it was there. I have to keep remembering that although I'm working poor in the US, I'm not here. I think I have a habit of acting and thinking like a poor person. But we shouldn't operate out of habit. Why be at a disadvantage when you have the ability to be more comfortable? The issue with these luxury tents has been on my mind for the the past week and a half, as the intensity of this place has been increasing.

Though everyone is feeling the heat equally, I think it would have been helpful to at least have gotten a comfortable place to stay. "Comfortable" is a relative term. I'm not talking about luxury like riverside cocktails, though I had that kind of picture in mind when I thought of luxury cottages, funny me and my preconceived notions. Luxury in these circumstances means quiet, order, sufficient water, a decent clean restaurant nearby, time to reflect, time to relax. That's not bad, nor would I feel guilty in participating in that kind of privilege right now. Ah, this is also my message to my social justice friends, because I think it's too easy for those of us who work for the equality of all and for righteousness to dismiss right away what could be seen as classism. And this certainly is. The foreigners here have so much more privilege than the general public.


And though I see that everyone's suffering here, I have to acknowlege where I'm coming from (nationally and experience-wise). I did not grow up in Asia. And my tolerance level for living in the circumstances that most people do is very low. Embarassingly low, given that I freak out a lot and at this point, have thrown a tantrum a few times in the past week.

Let me explain why: My living situation has been a carnival. The first week we got here, there were fewer people but less infrastructure. We were without electricity and fully-functioning toilets. We worked things out, getting water from the pump and using candles at night. By day, the government workers were doing construction on water tank (out of cement) in front of our room.

By the second week, a lot more people were arriving, so every day the water pump was crowded with people bathing, getting water for cooking, washing dishes, washing clothes. The pump got no rest, and it took at least 5-10 minutes to get water. I made sure to get a full bucket of water so that we could simply have the water to flush the toilet. But the other members in my room have been bums about a few things, and they never bothered to match the courtesy of keeping water around (since you never knew when there was going to be water or not). Actually, I should say there were not being discourteous. It's just that they weren't paying attention. And they were just doing things the way they do. It's quite a challenge for me on the cultural level too, to be living with Tibetans rather than other foreigners. But let me not generalize. This specific group has a way of doing things that works for them. Add onto that the fact that there have been increasingly more and more people coming around to use the toilets (The government guy who was in charge of managing our room and its occupants came around only a few times, and then said, "oh, but these toilets are only for you," which is funny because there is no mechanism by which to lock them. That's the other thing that frustrates me is the way things {don't} work. Why spend a week building a water tank when we can't even use it because there's no water supply for another week?).

Now we're in week 3. At this point, the water pump has broken, and instead of getting us water supply and fixing the pump, they divert the water from the pump source to that water tank they built. Meaning we still don't have enough water, but everyone's coming our way to get the water, so there's increased traffic. At this point, people have also started to use our toilets and baths (There are only 2 toilets and 2 baths, whereas the areas in the camps where people are staying, they've built a lot of toilets and baths). It means we can't take our daily bath, which is very much needed since we sweat all day and get dust blown in our faces everywhere we walk. The water tank overflows regularly, wasting tons of water, and we're unable to turn it off because we have no mechanism and those guys who are supposedly responsible for our room have not checked back with us for a few days. Then today the water ran out.

Short of it is, living with a lot of people with all of their various habits and no infrastructure and scarce resources is extremely trying. It's a new experience to me. There has been a lot that has been new to me since I got here, and I'm seeing again how luxurious are even those most basic things we can get in the US. Tamdin has been taking it in stride, and reminded me of what His Holiness said today, that we must cultivate inner happiness because the outside circumstances in this crucible (my description) won't relent. He's right. The only peaceful place here is in my head (ahemm... and at that luxury camp). It's so humbling. I think I'm hardy and loving and compassionate and then I find during these trying circumstances that I'm struggling.

To me, this is ascetic. I would rather fast by myself for a week than undergo this. I should have thought of the middle way, that is, not suffering unnecessarily (I should have coughed up the money). After all, the Buddha taught that one should neither be too slack nor too taught, neither too undisciplined nor too stringent.

But no point for regrets. What I've learned is that we all have to work from where we're at. I have been expecting way too much of myself (heh, I wasn't asking to be a saint, but still I had upheld high standards). I think in being gentler to myself (since it's my habit to be ultra disciplined), I can actually enjoy the daily lessons better and then I'd be writing about more scholarly and philosophical stuff than my issues with water and toilets.

The Teachings

I can't really talk in specifics about the kalachakra empowerment, but it has been amazing to me. The preaching area is the only place within the greater he kalachakra activites that is intense without being insane. We still sweat like crazy, and a lot of devotees also ache, but everyone seems to get through it with grace.

No pictures are allowed inside, but here are some good pics from the press. You can view more of them at this site: http://www.kalachakramediainfo.org/photogallery.html


photo of His Holiness Dalai Lama during the teaching


photo of some of the newly arrived Tibetan devotees with kusha grass. The grass was was distributed with the instruction that we should put it under our mattress. We should then observe if we had any dreams that night for the following day's teaching.


Monastic devotees

Sick

Health is one of my biggest concerns when I'm travelling. Maybe it's because for some time I was without health insurance and got paranoid and disenfranchised. That's why I hate those agents of things that could ruin my health.

I hate flies because they land on all the shit that's around and then they crawl all over you. ech.

I hate cars. I've always hated cars because the knuckleheads behind the wheel never seem to see you. On top of that, here they honk incessantly in your ear.

I hate mosquitoes. Last year, when I went without malaria prevention medication, mosquitoes were my little demons, with their high pitched zzzzzz in my ear.

Unfortunately, last night I got a high fever and was shivering and sweating uncontrollably. Bad luck, because I've been taking the medication every day, but because I didn't have my luggage (with my pills) on me until I got to the area (you're supposed to start the day before you get into a malarious area), I got hit with it. The worst part about mosquitoes is that they're attracted to heat, so when you're feverish, they're even more aggressive. it was pretty interesting, lying there, sweating in my sleeping bag and feeling damn cold, and watching the little buggers right outside my mosquito net, furiously buzzing around me.

Don't worry, I'm getting treatment at the local clinic. But last night was not fun as I got hit with the double-whammie of malaria and dyssentery at the same time. What can I say, it's just an assault on the senses and body to be here right now, with the crowds, the sketchy restaurants and water. I'll be resting up.

Doesn't mean that things have been all bad. The foreign devotees had a private audience with His Holiness yesterday, which was woooonderful. Will write more about that later.

Kalachakra 2006

What is the kalachakra intiation? If you want a much more informed answer than what I can give, check out the website.

If you want my humble limited human perspective, kalachakra is an opportunity. It's a huge dharmic blessing, it's a political event on the social and diplomatic levels (the convergence of Indian/local and Tibetan/pigrim populations as well as the convergence of the forces of His Holiness Dalai Lama with local Indian government officials), it's a cooperative effort (out of necessity, really), it's a huge business venture for a lot of people, it's a party, it's a madhouse, it's a crucible and testing ground. And I had no idea what I was in for when I came here. I had an inkling, but really...

Today was day 2 of His Holiness' preliminary teachings on Nagarjuna's Fundamental Wisdom of the Middle Way, which has been great. His Holiness joked that he had put this basic teaching in the Kalachakra program in order to up the attendance to this very imporant teaching. But, he said, I can see that a lot of people are more clever than me, since a lot of people have decided to arrive only on the day of the Kalachakra empowerment. Haha, we less clever people, though, get to enjoy all the basic Buddhist teachings. I can never get enough of the basics. I feel I'm still only understanding them bit by bit.

But the teachings extend way beyond the actual hours we spend sitting on our cushions trying to get as much vibrational exposure to His Holiness as we can. I feel so blessed to have gotten a good seat (thanks to Nyima & Kyizom and some wonderful karma!) where I can see him pretty close and clearly. And today I saw him very well as he was coming from his car! Aside from the time we spend in that great preaching place, under beautiful tents, we get our lessons every day we're here.

The intensity of the spiritual purification that happens in the holy places here in India is one of the reasons I approach them with some wariness. Like, oh, this is good for me, but I KNOW this is going to be difficult.

And it has been. Every day has been a challenge for me. I have thought about elaborating on these challenges, but one of the issues I've been dealing with within myself involves the concepts and realities of suffering. I've also been struggling with my desire for comfort and my expression of these two things. Sounds abstract and very Buddhist, I know. But what I mean is that every time I feel that I'm suffering from all the challenging conditions here, I see someone else suffering as much or more, and I am shut up real quick.

Just for kicks, then, I'll quickly summarize in what ways it's been a madhouse specifically for Sylvia (for these spiritual places push very specific buttons in everyone here). Yesterday, I had an outburst of anger. My temper flared over a rather small situation in which YET ANOTHER PERSON HAD NOT FLUSHED THE DAMN TOILET because THE DAMN WATER HAS NOT BEEN SUPPLIED to our place yet and people are just too lazy to go get water from the pump to flush their shit (yeah, literally, shit!). I know myself much better now, and one thing's for sure -- I'm more of a clean freak than I thought. I have little tolerance for unhygienic things such as toilets, and even worse, I have little tolerance for things not working properly. To "normalize" this a bit, as they do in psychotherapy, this frustration has come about on top of frustration over not having had water, over hardcore camping in a totally overcrowded place with other people who are also going through purification that makes them neurotic to various degrees, over the hot weather and being sick from a throat infection from drinking bad water from a bottle and the dust and throngs of people and not having good food (most of the food's sketchy and not very nutritious -- I'm Californian and potatoes with a few onions DO NOT count as veggies!).... anyway, I guess you could say I had a little outburst over all these things, and I'd just had enough. Luckily, this passed after an hour or two of sleep.

So I hope that was entertaining at least. One of my daily lessons here is that it's a little pointless to express these kinds of things. I'm understanding more and better why Asians don't really express extreme emotions like anger. It's been a little difficult for me. I've basically been living among Tibetans since I got to India. I like it because it's a genuine living experience. I'm not really around tourists. But I find I'm really silent. No one to talk to in that American or western way. I've been learning a lot though. So when I lost my temper yesterday, the others in my room didn't know what to say. I realized how pointless and embarrassing it was to express my anger. What was anyone going to do? It reminded me of an incident in the makeshift cyber cafe the first week I was here in Amaravathi. A French woman had an outburst (and expression) about the internet connection or the computer settings and was yelling about it. This is not my day, she said. But was it anyone's day? We were all feeling pretty frustrated. It all depends on your tolerance level. Your tolerance levels are really tested here. Anyway, I'm not making judgements about what's healthier or better -- whether to express or not to express. I'm just trying to make observations. And for myself and other westerners (in this respect, I'm very western), it's a good lesson to try not to express or focus our suffering, because believe me, even the conditions that make us suffer are very obviously easier than those bourne by people around you. There's always someone suffering more than you here. Today, I got that answer really quickly as I was looking at my hand. I was just lamenting that the something about the water was drying my skin and that it was peeling from my hands when I looked up and saw an older Tibetan man with a blotchy skin condition.

I'm also observing the tourists and noticing how they're faring. Some are staying in tents, some are in these luxury AC tents on the edge of town. The Tibetan performers from Norbulingka whom I stay with perform for these people during dinner at a relatively swank restaurant (Chonor Restaurant). I had to wait for 20 MINUTES for my banana and curd, laments a British lady behind me while we're at the teaching. Wow, I think, she has no idea how much the staff of every restaurant and of every business here are working their asses off. I have a tendency to be really critical of privilege from my social justice standpoint. But I'll just hold off here because I'm more concerned with my own evolution than theirs. The point is that even with the most comforts that this place can offer (which are not many), we're still not much happier. I've struggling with the comfort seeking every day, thinking, when the water has run dry or the construction team has suddenly parked themselves right in front of our room to chip away at tiles ALL DAY, that there MUST be a place more peaceful, less noisy, less crowded and hot, than THIS. Funny enough, His Holiness addressed comfort and suffering at today's teaching. These two must be on the collective consciousness.

When I'm not dealing with the negative emotions that arise in me, I am enjoying walks late at night, when it's cooler and less crowded, and discovering new places that have popped up. There are also lots of fun distractions about. I saw a movie called Phu anu Thanu, basically a Tibetan-made romantic comedy about 2 brothers in exile in their quest for their dream girls. It was entertaining, and it was also really interesting for me to see the parallels between the experience of Tibetans who grew up in India and that of Asian Americans. It's the experience of exile, and it does the same thing, to a certain extent to everyone's psychologies, families, identities, gender roles. For the next 3 nights, there's an international concert of Tibetan bands. There are also nightly shows of various travelling acts at a larger venue.

That's enough of an update for now. I am totally elated today to have gotten a bus ticket to Bangalore (didn't think I'd get out of here, with the mass exodus happening right after the last day of teaching).